#guess what my dinner was by reading this
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YOU SAID SOFT!JASON AND I CAME RUNNING
soft!jason who just needs a fucking hug but its a stubborn bitch about it until reader basically forces him to hug her (its koala szn ok i dont make the rules) and his resolve is just GONE and he melts into her touch bc he really needed it
I follow the book of SZA for this season.
Personally ima imagine Gotham Knights Jason cause he gives off ugly bulldog vibes and I love that, but all Jason lives matter here 😊❤️
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It’s been a while since you’ve witnessed a squash get butchered into many interesting pieces.
The tackling of the oddly tough spaghetti squash was always handled by your boyfriend, who made cutting it into its prepared state look incredibly easy. Cut it into multiple rings, season them, roast them, then fork out the perfectly cooked, sizable noodles with said utensil.
He was lost in thought, he had to have been, as said rock hard vegetable had been resorted to crooked, uneven cubes. His bowed head and dark expression after you quickly noticed, only signified the assumption to be true.
“Jason.” You tried his name again for a second time, concerned enough to settle a hand along his forearm. It was a miracle he hadn’t lost a finger yet, but knocking on wood in your mind would’ve been powerful enough to make it happen.
“Jason.”
The knife pauses, the man blinking once as if someone snapped in front of his face. He lifts his head a bit, coming back to his senses only to realize the state of what mess he’d created on the cutting board.
“Shit,” Jason mutters once, glancing over to see if the other half of the spaghetti squash was still intact.
“Shit.” The curse was further dragged out a little louder. Too lost in his dark cloud of remembrance to realize he butchered it all. Great. Just great.
“Hey,” you speak up, watching him catch your gaze for a split second before avoiding it, quickly setting the knife down.
“Hey.” He clears his throat, his hands piling together the fragments of their now ruined meal. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” You try to insist, watching him scoop up the pieces in his hands. “We can still roast it, make it into something still eatable.”
Jason didn’t respond.
This makes your worry meter spike just a little bit more.
“What’s with that frown handsome? You love Italian night.” You question, keeping your hand settled along his forearm.
There was nothing Italian about this dinner, except the homemade sauce and crumbled choice of sausage from an authentic butcher.
He groans but not out of irritance for your words. His hand shifts, making your hand etch back as he leans against the counter, his head bowing once more.
“Nothing.”
What’s going on in that kind mind of his? Was he involuntarily reminiscing of topics and experiences you don’t dare to mention? Was he beating himself up inside for his slip up, ruining a crucial part of your guys’ dinner?
“Come here,” you step closer, slightly extending your arm out a bit as an offering.
Jason nearly etched his head off to the side, nearly mumbling an ‘No. M’fine babe,’ but you weren’t having it.
“Come heeere,” you tried again, reaching your arm up along his opposite bicep, attempting to capture his broad build into your limited embrace.
You make the effort to squeeze in between the tall man of muscle and the kitchen counter, managing to fit both hands over hud shoulders, securing them being his neck.
“We can fix it.” You tell him before he can say otherwise, his brow either furrowing or raising in mixed surprise, and or denial, “We can ask Alfred for one of his secret recipes. If it doesn’t work, fuck it. We’ll make nutella sandwiches or something.”
His brow sharply quirks.
You return the expression with a smile.
You’re a bad influence on him. He adores that about you.
He huffs, an edge of his tone resembling a weak, throaty chuckle. A corner of his lip raised into a limp smile, which was all you needed to see.
“Long day?”
He merely has the strength in his social battery to respond as his head lowers to settle along your shoulder. With a single sigh, the weight of his body against yours nearly had you squished against the counter. A pleasant company along your sides were those ‘unrealistically’ large hands guarding your back from digging too deep against the marble countertop edges.
“Yeah.”
Your small hand cradles the back of his head, nearly soothing the pain from his tension headache. His eyes close, another small sigh leaving his nose. Not all of the palpable stress leaves his body, but your comfort nearly dulls it down into something much more manageable in seconds. Something much more bearable.
Your soft voice floods his aches and pains with a golden warmth of serenity. Your secret super power did wonders on his heart and mind. You didn’t even have to try.
“How’s Nutella sandwiches sound, actually?”
“We don’t have the marshmallow fluff.”
“No, but.. think we got strawberries.”
His brow slightly quirks again. Tonight sounds like it’s getting better already.
#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x you#jason todd x fem!reader#dc jason todd#jason todd x y/n#gotham knights jason todd#guess what my dinner was by reading this
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morales twins vigilantes: getting found out pt 1
hey yall im in my fic writing era. but i am BAD at writing LMFAO i'm really not sure i'll ever write a proper fic with a plot or anything
either way, i hope yall like this lil drabble my brain came up with on a whim of the morales twins!
it's how i imagine the way their secret would be revealed after doing the whole vigilante thing together for a lil bit. it's kind of based on the hcs i had of the twins which is here, kind of a continuation of the last bullet point there actually
miles1610 is miles and miles42 is milo bc i read a couple fics with that name given to him and now it is stuck in my heart u_u
>2nd part here<
well. uh. hope u enjoy! :)
It was a fight that went slightly awry that really did them in.
No blood, no fireworks, no loud banging or explosions or anything. No one was even so badly hurt that they almost died, either.
It was simply just… a broken mask and their father unexpectedly being on patrol that fateful night that finally brought their secret out to light.
The Morales twins had been doing their vigilante thing together for only a few months now. Miles had been Spider-man for well over a year, of course, but it was after a particularly bad fight with a rhinoceros guy (what a freak…) that went semi-viral on social media that his brother Milo finally put his foot down and pulled those Prowler gloves from under his bed. He worked hard to modify the technology to better suit him, and had all of the armor and rope he needed in order to keep up with his brother all set in as little as 2 weeks.
Miles hemmed and hawed about bringing his not-super-powered brother around for the nasty fights he usually tackled alone. But he would be lying if he said that Milo’s concern didn’t put a small smile on his face in the end. Plus, it really helped out a lot when Miles needed to be somewhere quickly but still had a criminal left to take on and web up. Milo being just one text away from springing into action took a real big load off of his shoulders in ways he couldn’t even imagine.
That was about 3 months ago.
It was relatively smooth sailing until one Jefferson Davis took a night patrol under his belt without even warning the boys.
Well, Miles thought to himself in retrospect, we weren’t really around the house to catch if he did tell anyone, so.
Miles ran along a side of a building to catch up with the villain of the week. He was desperately trying to keep this super-powered baddie off of his not-so-super-powered brother, and not quite succeeding. Miles told Milo time and again not to tease any bad guys during a fight. Keep the attention off of you, bro. You do not have superpowers. I do! Is that not what Miles said? God, it’s like in one ear and out the other with this guy. Ugh.
Currently, Milo is parrying and deflecting attacks from this shocker-looking guy, a real piece of work. He still had his hi-vis vest on-- and Miles swore he even saw a name tag on it somewhere which was just hilarious, really-- but aside from his normal-looking work outfit, everything else about this dude was definitely not normal. Like the bright electricity fizzing all over his skull that just barely concealed this man’s real face, and the giant lightning bolts shooting out from his hands as he tried to fry Milo. It was a good thing Milo had enough sense to install energy-absorbing tech into those giant claws of his, or else Miles would be in real big trouble at the ER.
Miles ripped a chunk of some abandoned demolition project that never got done and swung it with all of his might in the direction of their fight, using his webs for maximum distance. It didn’t hit electro-dude but it almost hit his brother. Oops.
“Ayo, watch it!” Prowler growled, his mask distorting his voice the same way it distorted Uncle Aaron’s back when he held the mantle. He gracefully flipped out of the way and shot a grappling hook somewhere off into some scaffolding, pulling himself away from the action to let his bro fly in and give the temporarily-distracted electric-man some work.
Miles would snap back with a retort if he weren’t so busy pummeling this villain with all that he’s got. Both boys’ curfews were about an hour ago and they just knew their mom would be fuming once she got back and found out. But this needed taking care of, and neither Morales boys were willing to leave some freak of nature to take over Brooklyn and shut down all the power lines over a bedtime. Hell no.
But this needed to end now, or else good ol’ Spidey won’t be seeing the light of day for another 2 months. And by the looks of it, neither will the Prowler. Before Miles could even think to land the finishing blow on old lightning-head here though, tragedy struck.
An all-too familiar voice hollers out those dreaded words both boys hate hearing, especially in the middle of a fight.
“PDNY! Freeze! Put your hands up where we can see ‘em!”
Everyone did freeze, Milo looking particularly shocked as his head swivels around to the sight of waving flashlights and 3 burly but familiar silhouettes making their way past the far gates and advancing quickly into the fray.
Jefferson Davis’ gun appears to almost materialize out of the shadows, his face lit up in the harsh lights of his flashlight beam, sporting an intimidating, professional look. Cop mode, is what Miles and Milo called it jokingly one day as they lounged in their room, passing a bag of chips between them and having a laugh at their dad’s expense. That was before Milo took on the mantle of the Prowler. That was before this.
Miles panics slightly as he feels the man jump up underneath him, thrusting an arm into the police’s direction, ready to fire off a bolt--
Right after Milo lunges in front of the officers, ready to take the blast.
It happens in a fraction of a second. Miles didn’t even think he had enough time to open his mouth, let alone warn Jeff of the incoming danger. He figures that’s what Milo must’ve thought, too, otherwise there really was no other explanation for this stupid decision he just made.
Sparks flew, and then the thud of a body hitting the floor seemed to echo throughout the demolition site.
Shit shit shit shit shitshitshitshitshit, was Miles’ inner monologue as he finally landed the blow to the side of the baddie’s head, knocking him out successfully. He quickly webbed the man up to the floor, restraining him fully. The way I shoulda done in the first place, damnit, Miles lamented, freezing in place after the deed was done. His brain was working into overdrive to try and think of ways he could extract his now-nearly unconscious brother from this place without raising their dad’s suspicions.
Ever since Prowler joined in on Spider-man’s “adventures”, the media became even more fascinated with capturing every single moment it could of Spidey now that he had a sidekick in tow.
Headlines splashed on magazines, articles and news feeds read: “Batman and Robin! Spider-man and… the Prowler?” and “Webbed Menace Recruits Purple Sidekick, Even More of a Menace”. They haunted Miles’ every step. Milo, for his part, was mostly amused. But every now and then he would complain about being known as his brother’s sidekick, as if that was the most egregious part of having his every move recorded and uploaded for millions to see online.
Their mother became even more suspicious of her twin sons after she watched a video of the two vigilantes stopping a runaway bus in downtown Brooklyn. They looked eerily similar in size to her own teenage boys, and even seemed to banter the same way after all of the civilians were saved and back on solid ground. The way Spider-man clapped Prowler on the shoulder… hmmm.
To say that she shared her suspicions with her husband would be an understatement. Milo and Miles somehow always managed to catch a familiar cop car slowly rolling around corners and down streets, keeping pace just behind them, watching them. Miles would always roll his eyes, knowing it was their father. Milo would be annoyed but managed to shrug and keep minding his own business, since it was very obviously their father. When confronted, Jeff would try-- and fail-- to casually brush it off as simply doing Concerned Dad things.
“Listen, you two.” Jeff started one evening after dinner. He managed to get both boys down in their room one weekend, just for “a quick talk”. His excuse was that Brooklyn was getting too dangerous lately, especially at night, and that he was “gonna keep an eye on them” as a precaution.
But neither boy missed that slight nervous shift in his stance as he delivered the news, and once their dad bade them a good night and left, they gave each other a silent look that conveyed the exact same thought they were both thinking.
They’re onto us.
Well, their parents’ fears and suspicions were definitely going to be confirmed whether the twins liked it or not.
Milo groaned on the ground, the Prowler gauntlets having taken the majority of the blast sent his way, but the mask was halfway blown off, revealing a good portion of the boy’s face underneath. He rocked in place for a moment, blinking stars and dancing lights out of his eyes for just that one moment.
“Prowler!!” Miles shouted. In his panic, he forgot to lower his voice and conceal his identity, but his feet just wouldn’t move! What the hell, Morales… get it together! His brother was just badly injured and here he was, frozen in place like a deer.
Jeff, for his part, was barking orders to his coworkers and directing them to make a sweep of the place in case any other suspects tried to make a run for it.
They both left. He finally jolted his bright beam of light onto Spider-man, simply standing there a little ways away and staring back with those unnervingly gigantic bug-eyes of his. If Jeff wasn’t in work-mode right now, he’d explode on this guy and ask about what the hell was going on here, but Officer Davis was nothing if not a consummate professional.
Plus, there were more pressing matters to attend to.
There was what seemed like a teenage boy on the ground, wearing those goddamned gauntlets that Jeff could’ve sworn he shipped off to the junkyard after Aaron’s funeral. Damnit, if this punk was running around wearing his brother’s mantle and tagging along with Spider-man just to double-cross him in the end, there was gonna be hell to pay.
Jeff didn’t know why, but he felt slightly protective of the bug-themed hero, damnit. Sue him. And those claws brought nothing but terrible memories of screaming women, dead brothers and heightened stress. He did not need this right now, fuck.
Once the boy on the ground stirred, Jeff quickly pointed his gun and flashlight beam directly onto him. “Those orders were for you, too, punk. Do not try me tonight. Freeze. Put your hands out where I can see ‘em!”
Milo froze on the ground, and then tried to twist his face away from his looming father who was only a foot or two away with the world’s brightest flashlight in his face, fuuuuck. He just knew he was gonna be feeling this headache for the next 3 days…
Tentatively, he also raised his claws in front of his face as slowly as he could, trying to cover his face even more. He propped himself up on his elbows and tried to regulate his breathing.
Having a cop for a dad was not always peachy, but it helped a lot to know exactly how an officer would react if any sudden movements were made while having a gun out, and Milo was not trying to get a bullet to the chest on top of the mother of all electric shocks as well. No thank you.
It was in this moment that Miles’ brain started working again, and he unstuck himself from the pavement to reach out to his dad.
“Offi-- ahem, ahem. Officer Davis,” he remembered to lower his tone and conceal his voice a bit as well, and continued, “what a surprise to see you here. On this, uh. This very beautiful night!”
Groan. Oh my god. Even Milo rolled his eyes a bit, trying to shuffle back.
“I said FREEZE!” Jeff roared, attention still trained on Milo.
Without glancing up, he added, “And you Spider-man. Oh, buddy you are gonna get it after I’m done with this little asshole, runnin’ around with my brother’s-- man, y’know what-- nevermind! Just stay back, okay? I got this handled.”
“But wait! Th-that’s uh. He’s not an asshole, officer, he’s my-- my sidekick! He’s the good guy!! He helped me take this guy down! And he even saved you just now!” Miles waved his hands around frantically, agitating Jeff.
Stop doing that, stupid! Milo thought to himself in a daze, still recovering from the electric blast.
“Stay back, Spider-man. I’m warning you.” Jeff growled.
Miles picked up the hint and halted his movements, giant white eyes flicking back up and down from his dad to his brother and back. He had to think of something, or else Milo would be dragged back to a holding cell and both of their identities would be out. He just couldn’t let that happen.
Biting his lip, Miles gathered some resolve and stepped forward again. “Officer Davis—”
“Not another word outta you!” Jeff swung the flashlight right back onto Miles threateningly, and then trained it back onto Milo again. “I am serious right now, Spidey. One more word outta you and I’m slappin’ the cuffs on you too, I swear to god! I got more than enough room in the back of the squad car for two freaks!”
Miles recoiled. “Freaks. Geez, is that what you think of us?”
But Jeff didn’t answer, because he was all of a sudden deathly silent.
Both of the other officers just finished their sweep of the area, and were making their way back to Jeff when he all of a sudden kneeled down, still training that gun on Prowler’s face. But his movements were slow and hesitant, as if he were performing them in a daze.
Miles’ spider senses should’ve been tingling by now, at the very least a little. Still, he stayed glued to his spot as he watched Officer Davis-- as if in slow motion-- shifting his flashlight and gun into one hand, lowering both slightly and away from Prowler’s shattered mask.
As his other hand reached out, Milo flinched, but he didn’t need to. Jeff simply carded his calloused fingers over his hair, his braid on the one side of his head, in reverence. Milo couldn’t breathe. He was too scared to speak.
And then everyone’s blood ran cold at the same time.
Jeff saw the beads of Milo’s favorite basketball team colors, ones that he was excited to get again at the barber shop last weekend, simply hanging there tied to the ends of the Prowler’s braid, sitting limply in his hand. Milo’s blood ran cold once he realized exactly what it was that his own father was looking at. He didn’t need to reveal his face whatsoever when his now-exposed hair told the whole story anyways.
Miles’ spider senses finally kicked up once Jeff looked up slowly, an absolutely ruined expression rippling across his worn-out features as he really gave Spider-man a good, hard look, eyes playing over what little he could see of the vigilante in the darkness of night.
For a split second, no one said anything.
Even electro-head seemed to be silent as he came to and tried to sneakily rip the webs off of him. No dice. He finally turned his attention to the trio not too far away and opened his mouth.
“Hey, what the hell is this, some family reunion or something? Let me outta here, man! Goddamn, what a fuckin’ punch, man… shit…”
Everyone startled at the same time, turning their attention to the villain. Damn, almost forgot about him.
The other officers finally arrived to surround the other angles behind Spider-man, one of them even kneeling down beside electric-- whatever, the villain of the week-- and started cutting him out of the sticky ropes to put him in cuffs.
“Don’t even think about it,” one of them grunted once they got to his hands and saw a tingle of electricity surging through fingertips. “We got dampeners in my squad car if you try anything cute, got it?”
Jeff slowly holstered his gun, keeping the flashlight trained on the Prowler, unable to tear his eyes from this boy lying on the ground at his feet.
“Davis…? You good?” This was the officer who wasn’t busy wrangling sticky webs off of the baddie. He had his flashlight and gun trained on said baddie of course, but his head was swiveled to look at his captain.
Jeff swallowed hard and nodded slowly, a weirdly mechanical kind of movement.
“…Okay. Hey, Spidey. Thanks for this, I guess,” said the officer, keeping his concerned gaze trained on Jeff, shrugging a shoulder. “Too bad about your friend though. Hope he’ll be fine.”
It took Miles a second to recognize that iconic mustache, and then it dawned on him that it was his dad’s faithful friend and his own sidekick, Officer Gutierrez. How ironic, Miles thought ruefully.
He turned back to his dad, who was now helping Prowler up from the ground and steadying him against his side.
“What’re we doing with these two?” Gutierrez asks, because someone has to.
Jeff startles, as if he was just asleep and happened to wake up. “Uhh, about...?”
Gutierrez gave him a look. “The mask guy under your arm. And, uh. This guy,” he points his chin towards VOTW (villain of the week) as he’s being hauled up forcibly by the other officer, now in giant sturdy cuffs binding his arms together.
“The… that guy. Electric man. Just… just put those dampeners on his hands and take him down to HQ. They’ll probably just ship him off to the Raft. Let me know when you guys get there, of course. I’ll uhm. I think I’m gonna be taking my break right now.”
“You taking the mask-man all by yourself, then, captain?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I will. It’s… something personal to me, to be seeing these claws on this boy. I’m sorry. I think I might explain later but right now, we gotta get that guy behind some kinda bars. Please, Gutierrez.”
Gutierrez gives him an unreadable expression, and Jeff shoots an apologetic look back.
Finally, his partner gives a small nod and turns back to the task at hand. Miles breathes out a sigh of relief.
But it was a breath too soon.
“Spider-man. Prowler. The both of you. My car. Now.”
#mine#spiderverse#miles morales#miles g morales#listen idk what's getting into me either tbh i'm just......#like this is it i guess LMFAO#i hope it's not TERRIBLE but yeah these are my brain blasts i have occasionally#i was makin dinner one night when this occurred to me#bc i was really thinking about miles and milo just teaming up and doing the whole vigilante thing.... thinkin abt how cute that would be!#but then my brain was like “ok and so when do the parents finally find out tho. cuz they're DEFINITELY gonna find out lmfao”#and an image of milo's broken mask and jeff doing his cop thing popped into my mind#btw i know that prowler miles has his braids out n everything in earth-42#but in this particular instance he needs to keep them under wraps so their parents dont watch the news and put 2 n 2 together#so yeah#broken mask= hair fallin out. oops#oh yeah pt 2 is in the works so that should be up soon too#anyways thx 4 reading ♡ :)
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#thought of this while i was in the shower and cant stop laughing#currently reading a star for a summer's day#aka the fic w bartylus fake dating#and i just got to the second arc#I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING#THAT'S WHAT U CALL KARMA HAHAHAHA#i literally had to stop reading cause i didnt wanna consume a good fic too quickly 😭#now eating dinner (at 2 am yes)#and cant wait to go back to reading#anyway yes best friend's brother#still remains to be one of my top fav jegulus fics#and im guessing this fic im reading now will join the rank soon 🤭🤭#jegulus#starchaser#wolfstar#best friend's brother#love u bizarrestars
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google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help
#alex talks#one time that friend from the second example had to rescind an invitation for me to come to shabbat dinner bc he said his parents were#hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend#mentioned to me something that implied they were still going to the friend's house and i had 2 class periods to stew and get anxious and#paranoid and think like does he hate me? does he just not want to invite me specifically? do his parents not like me did they ask him not to#invite me specifically? and then in advisory we're both just sitting there and im like 'so do your parents hate me' and he's like 'what????'#and i'm like 'jakob said they were still going to your house' and he's like '????? my parents told jakobs parents they could come and stay#overnight bc their parents are out of town so jakob has to come over' and i was like 'oh. sorry' and felt so bad about it for the entire day#honestly? now that im thinking about it so many times i've been like manic in that friends dms about something they said that i've made 10#leaps of logic over so in my head they said a completely different thing but to them i just sound insane and like i'm taking them in the#most bad faith i possibly can. which i guess really i am but i just get so worried#hm i guess manic is a specific word for a mental health symptom idk how else to describe it like i call him and leave a voicemail where ive#worked myself to tears over something i can't even remember now. maybe hysteric?#nobody reads these right
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my family always decides to go to the beach when i physically can not go into the water
#im debating whether to go tomorrow bc on one hand literally what am i going to do besides sit there and bask in the sub#i mean i guess i could read#and nap#and put my feet in the water idk#but again on the other hand i kind of feel bad for my little brother for playing by himself#i mean like me and my older brother played by ourselves all the time#but i think my little brother is also lonely so i feel bad#ill probably end up going#ive been listening to podcasts so hopefully i can like? listen to it at the beach?#the veach we go to has such shit service man#but yeah i do have a giant stack of books ive been planning on reading#and downloaded songs that dont need service to listen to#depending on if i fucking wake up on time since its fucking 1 am rn#michi tag#another con of going to the beach besides boredom is that my little brother starts bullying me for not going into the water#hes like oh are you chicken? scared of the water? and starts making chicken noises you know#like an annoying little brother does#and i cant straight up tell him its bc i am actively bleeding bc despite him almost being a middle schooler im fairly sure the school didnt#give the fifth graders like sex ed?#im not sure if WE got sex ed but we got like. puberty ed#does that make sense. they separated the boys and girls and showed us the exact same movie/documentary so isk why they separated us#and its like these are the changes going to happen to your body :) and a crash course onto all that#i dont think it actually went into sec but it didnt matter i knew abt it anyways at a horrified seven years old#imagine sitting at the dinner table and youre not paying attention and then suddenly your dad grabbed a condom and your mom grabbed a banana#and theyre giving your brother (and also you) the sex talk and youre sitting there like literally what the fuck are you talking about?#i remember staring at that banana like that poor banana??? like i heard what they were saying but my brain was like ???? ok i guess and just#shoved it into the useless information i know section 😭#and then when i actually had sex ed in school i would just periodically go oh yeah i remmeber that#ANYWYAS my point is my little brother doesnt know abt periods i think and i cant straight up tell him abt it and im mad#i daydream about going its cuz im on my period and direction him to my parents when he asks so they can deal with the fallout
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hi uh what the fuck happened
#the past 5ish hours of my life??? down the drain?????#i don't remember making those posts but i went back and read them what the fuck#all i know is that i was taking notes for school but then i guess the brain thoughts got too.... something#so i gave up and got on my phone#and 5 hours later i am still on my phone in bed and im really fuckin hungry bc i guess i skipped dinner#or. they skipped dinner??? whoever the other guy was??????#pigeon coos#bewildered. flabbergasted even.
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if anyone needs me I’ll be curled up on the couch reevaluating my life 👍
#WHY would you not put the songs you sampled in the credits though I’m so serious#Ken I’m gonna show up at your house#was reading and rereading this very simple email and what got me to actually send it was my partner saying#‘your message sounds like it was written by an excited grandma who just saw the show’#I was like by god you’re right. if grandmas are sending inconsequential nosy cold emails like this I can do it too#hazards of liking hazbin hotel I guess god damn#I want to make a chart of all of the things I have become interested in as a result of fixating on Alastor. it would be significant in scale#I think I do fandom in a very atypical way but it’s fine it’s fine#cannot believe I just did this actually wtf#I have to go buy food and make dinner and instead I’m doing whatever this is lmao
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dating advice is so bizarre lmao i'm so glad i'm not doing that shit
#i heard it before and just read it again that you shouldnt go on coffee dates for first dates but to dinner#bc the guy is “cheap” if he doesnt go to dinner with you lol#yall are so weeeeird#i dont want to go to a whole fancy restaurant dinner with a person (esp a man) ive never met before#putting everything that is below “dinner date” down as “cheap” “low effort” etc is so dumb#eating ice cream and walking in the park would be a great date imo as well as getting coffee#i want to get to know another human being through convesation not check a list of made up criteria#its perfectly fine to not want to spend 60 bucks on dinner with a stranger that might turn out terrible#and getting coffee is open ended and flexible you can still get dinner afterwards but can also easily leave#back in my time (like 6 years ago lol) we called it a date when a girl and boy were just hanging out lol#everyone can do what they want etc but i just feel so ughhh whenever i read shit like that#i guess dating in general is bizarre to me#meeting people with the sole intent of potentially becoming romantic with them? odddddd
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
#little rock.txt#venting#self harm in tags btw#anyway. wow i hate intrusive thoughts.#like great guys. it's so cool that the way we're deciding to spend our time is constantly thinking about ways to hurt myself#oh wow stabbing myself with a knife someone left on the counter? so original. never been seen before#oh starving myself?? even when my lovely friend made us a whole dinner?? that's lovely. wow. not even a little bit rude#standing in traffic until someone comes and hits me? at least that wouldn't damage my fucking car like your other ideas!#taking something sharp to my sunburns for a two-birds-one-stone thing?? i guess you're making the best of the circumstances#like jesus fucking christ Grow Up. am i fifteen goddamn years old again#like if we're being So real the consequences of actually self-harming Far outweigh the benefits so i'm not at any real risk#(i do Not want to deal with the fallout of 1. cleaning those wounds 2. confronting my housemates with active self-harm#they actively do not deserve that happening to them)#(hi guys btw sorry. i'm fine)#but that just means i'm sitting here like. so are you gonna be productive or....?#like i had plans of what i wanted to do with my brain power tonight. was gonna write. maybe clip a stream. and we're...?#oh just sitting on my laptop playing music too loud bcus if i could hear my own thoughts it'd be a nightmare? neat.#jesus christ can i be a normal goddamn person for like fifteen minutes and get out of this anxiety spiral. it's been over 24 hours.#whatever. like at this point it's fucking whatever. if i can't drag myself into being productive i'm just gonna go to bed.#“opal is being mean to yourself really going to help” i don't know. i doubt it. unfortunately i am in the mood to be a bitch#and the only person who deserves to deal with bitchy opal is me. so.#anyway if you read all of this uuuhhh sorry. i am like this. but hey. thank you for caring
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this is crazytown. what if they do this in the wicked powers. cassie you’re not gonna do this in the wicked powers right. cassie you know better than to do this in the wicked powers. right. say right. 😐
#she’s not gonna do this in the wicked powers#if she was she would have given ghost livvy a new updated flower card right#not to imply i want livvy to die forever. she is of course my favorite girl ever.#but it would simply make no sense for her to come back for real. it would be almost more painful if she did than if she died for real#you know. well. none of you know of course i’m being very vague and no one has read this book#you don’t even know what’s happening to aaron rn#and don’t worry about it at this time.#🌀#i have to eat dinner. and then you can worry about it i guess
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not to say anything is seriously wrong with me but actually perhaps a bit yes that exactly because why has the past week of trying to sleep become an endeavor of attempting (futilely. valiantly sure but ultimately futilely) to trick my body into doing the precise opposite of what it ever wants to do 🚬😮💨
#j.txt#currently nearing 1 in the morning and much like the past 4 nights in a row my journey this evening has been:#eat dinner around 7. get Irrationally sleepy at my desk nearly passing out by ~830-9. go lay down for a moment thinking#'could it be that I just need to call it for the night and rest' Doze for 20mins. wake and decide to do some light reading-#or watch a chill vid to ease myself back to sleep except False ! Now filled with inescapable jittering energy that Will Not dissipate !#lie here getting increasingly frustrated/bored until abruptly passing out sometime around 4-5am. wake up at 11ish rinse and repeat#like genuinely I Do Not Know what to do anymore. grips self by the shoulders desperately Why. Why are you Energy. now of all times.#nyanyways . i finished rereading the novel i'd been using to fill my time for the past few days so guess im heading back to the trenches#(<novlupdates browsing)
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I've started doing this thing (or at least I've started to notice myself doing this thing) where I just kinda idk daydream so hard I fall asleep? It's not like my normal fatigue, I'm not exhausted but awake and alarmingly aware of how I can't move, I'm peacefully drifting off to sleep as a daydream ramps up in its vividness until I'm actually just dreaming, and this only takes (or feels like it takes) a few minutes. I'll be having a regular daydream while wide awake, and then suddenly I'm on the cusp of sleep. I'd chalk it up to another facet of my fatigue if it wasn't SUCH a different sensation. I should probably be concerned about this but I don't even know where to start
#like the only sleep disorder i know that puts you to sleep is narcolepsy#but i dont know enough about the disorder thats not sensationalised to really understand what narcolepsy's really like i suppose?#i know i have disordered sleep#i have dogshit REM and restorative sleep already which i assume is why im tired and have very little energy all the time#but i know nothing about anything beyond that#and guess what. learning things also makes me too tired to function. looking things up and reading exhaust me. so. idk.#i got stuff to do with my 1-3 tasks a day worth of energy i dont want to spaff it all on reading yet another#'narcolepsy makes you pass out face first into your dinner and is super duper rare and theres no other sleep disorders besides insomnia'
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The mood of Christmas ‘22 is malaise btw
#i am due to get my period on ~christmas eve and i am sick with i don’t know what#and i’ve described my symptoms and everyone thinks i have asthma but i can’t see a doctor until the 10th#so i guess i just have to try to not die in the meantime#also i am in a reading slump; i have writer’s block; netflix has decided it doesn’t want to work on my tv anymore#and i’m not in the mood to knit and i don’t have enough concentration to listen to podcasts#so that’s all five of my hobbies gone#i’ll tell you what i’ve done today. fuck bloody all#i’ve napped. i’ve been on tumblr a bit. i’ve done battleships puzzles. i have looked at mabel and she has looked at me#i took mabel out to pee. i looked at my laundry and decided not to do it#i’m trying to figure out what to do for dinner because like.. i definitely can’t order in because it would be a humungous meal#but i don’t have the energy to cook anything. also what would i even make?#i mean basically mac and cheese or rice with sauce. but neither of those sound appetising#i want a takeaway but it would be wasted on me in this condition#also idk if i’m contagious and if i get the delivery guy sick i’ll just have to die#maybe dinner could be a nap. OR. beans and chips#a chip butty and i pour beans in it. a chip butty with toasted bread. and i pour beans in it 🧐#all of this is sounding like a lot of work. i wish those pasta pots i ordered didn’t suck. they’re literally SO bad but take no effort#i could dip toast in it and pretend it’s cheese soup? i don’t know. fuck this#personal
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~
#i'm supposed to go over to my parent's place in an hour to have dinner#but i stayed up til 7am last night to read it drives you crazy getting old by atsumusbiceps#and i've been reading everything leads to you by nina lacour.#and my friend all the way across the country wrote an article about long distance friendships and hasn't texted me back in a month#and my heart feels like it's simultaneously too big for my chest and like a gaping black hole#i guess those things aren't mutually exclusive. maybe it feels so big because the black hole is taking everything into it.#i don't know who i am. i don't know what i'm going to do. i don't have anything i feel like is mine.#i don't think my parent's place feels like home anymore. i don't know if i can imagine what a home would be for me.#the couch i'm sitting on has held me through so many tears and in two months it will never hold me again.#it drives you crazy getting old. it drives you crazy getting old. it feels so scary getting old.#they speak!
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#life is hell btw.#like sorry I’m being miserable this is a fandom blog lol but like#accepting my brother is alive but I’ll never really get to be with him again has been rough idk#and that’s just the latest thing there’s so much going on right now i don’t even know where to begin#i guess the thing is that with my brother he’s the only person in my family who likes me#like he’s the only one who really cares about me and tells me that and shows me that#no one else really likes me because I’m weird and hard to be around and stuff but my brother loves me#and he’s been struggling for years we both have but he’s had addiction problems and helping him has been hard but he was doing so well#and it’s hard to explain but it gets to a point where you can’t force help on them yknow#so you just have to resort to mourning while they’re still alive#I’m sorry i know that’s evil but there’s only so much i can do and I’ve done it all#I’ve been mourning him for years and now I’m mourning again#and i just feel awful#and i know it’s selfish to think this but my birthday is next week and it’s like he’s the only one who spends the day with me#my family will always have dinner with me and stuff but my brother knows i have no friends and it makes me sad being alone on my birthday#and he’s ALWAYS made an effort to be there on my birthday and spend the day with me no matter what#and now he’s in jail and will be in prison probably for the rest of my life#idk and really this is just one of many catastrophic things going on in my life i just need a break#and my breaks are immersing myself into my books and shows and movies#so thank you everyone for all the work you’ve been producing lately i know ot sounds silly but getting to come home and read your guys fics#and look at all of your art or even just reading your posts takes away so much of my stress and feeling of impending doom and helplessness#idk i just wanted to say I appreciate you all so much#please like if you read this though i can’t really talk about this stuff with anyone i just need to be heard
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im trying my best here ok?? again i am not good at my job!
#📜#what were we doing. what were we doing. what were we doing!!! why do we have so many tabs open. maestro can you like. sort this shit?#I would if you would remember which one is the important one.#🍱#goddamnit ok help me then at least. i think most of them are important?? college site fic we have to read spaceheads blog sibling group cha#we still have to finish dinner.#🌐#thanks burden but that does not rule out any of the tabs actually. jesus. we. what were we doing??#okay whatever fine finish dinner then we'll figure it out i guess?#unless we fall asleep first#🍵#no c'mon we slept til like 4 why are we tired chami.#i dont choose when we get fatigue i just hold it#hrrahghhh okay just eat dinner my god. i have. we have a headache.
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